Battle Of The Books
by Redstar96
Summary: Harry Potter Vrs. Twilight...OH NO, who will win in this twisted game show?
1. Introductions

**This was a very strange idea that came to me suddenly after reading one too many crossovers. It takes place after Breaking Dawn for Twilight and Deathly Hallows for Harry Potter.**

**I don't own Harry Potter because It is tooooooooo awesome for me to write. Twilight, eeeehhhhhhhh, I could of, my dog could have, but I didn't.**

"Hello and welcome to the Battle of The Books." Luna Lovegood said with a smile as she ran onto the large circular stage. She wore a light pink shirt with dark purple shorts and converse shoes. Her blonde hair flying behind her as the crowd of book characters began to go crazy with applause. "The show where two books come together and battle to see who is the best book! I am your host, Luna Lovegood. To explain the rules better I am going to introduce my co-host. She may be looking off into the distance, but her head isn't full of wrackspurts, please welcome Alice Cullen!"

From the same area from which Luna had emerged, Alice Cullen skipped out wearing a light purple dress that landed at her ankles. "Hello everyone! Welcome to Battle of The Books. In this show, we choose six contestants from each book series to compete in challenges and answer questions related to either of the books. Let's introduce our contestants."

"From Harry Potter, she is one of my closest friends. She loves Harry Potter and can fly on a broom almost as good as he does. Her red hair is like nothing else, introducing, Ginny Weasley.

Out from the left side came Ginny Weasley dressed in a light green shirt and a short skirt. She waved to the crowd shyly before turning and sitting down in the section reserved for Harry Potter contestants that was adorned with a large Hogwarts Crest upon the wall.

Alice twirled on the back of her high heels from waving to Hermione and stared at the crowd."From Twilight, he is my true soul mate. He kicks some butt when it comes to defeating new born's and can control the emotions in a room. Please welcome Jasper Hale!"

From the right side, Jasper emerged looking sick as he avoided the gaze of the crowd. He wore nice jeans and light blue shirt and before taking his seat in the section reserved for Twilight contestants, he stole a sweet little kiss from Alice.

Alice giggled sweetly before looking back to the crowd again, her bright brown eyes beaming first at Jasper then at Luna who was looking off into the distance playing with her cork bottle necklace. Alice shook Luna lightly before they both turned to the crowd smiling. Luna flipped her hair behind her before announcing again. "From Harry Potter, comes two very brave people, one loves Herbology and has personally destroyed a Horcrucx. The other is a large giant who has always loved creatures big or small. Introducing Neville Longbottom and Rubeus Hagrid."

From the left came Hagrid dressed in his usual furry coat and messy hair. He stomped out making the crowd shake. Behind him, came Neville in a Hogwarts sweatshirt and jeans. He tried keeping up with Hagrid as they made their way to the Harry Potter section.

"From Twilight, she is tiny, smart and my sweet little niece. He is the youngest member of the La Push Werewolves. Here is Renesmee Cullen and Seth Clearwater." Alice nodded her head as her sweet spiky hair bobbed back and forth on her head.

Little Renesmee skipped out in a little red and white dress in front of Seth Clearwater wearing a light green sweatshirt and cargo shorts. They waved for the crowd before walking to their seats.

"Finally we will introduce our famous trios." Luna said with a high pitched giggle. "From Harry Potter, they are referred to as the Golden Trio. They have never had an easy year at Hogwarts and they traveled the world searching for Horcruxes.

She has big bushy hair, loves reading and the smell of Ron's hair.

He loves playing chess, helping his best friend and trying to get near to Hermione.

Finally, the man we all call the Boy Who Lived. He has defeated Voldemort twice and is the best friend anyone can ever have. Get to your feet and welcome Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, and Harry Potter."

In walked Harry in front of Hermione and Ron with his arm around her. Hermione kept her hair pulled back in a long braid with a plain gray shirt with a Gryffindor scarf and jeans. Ron wore a sweatshirt with jeans and gym shoes. Harry sported his famous glasses with his sports jacket and jeans.

"Finally," Alice said with a musical tone. "We welcome what was once referred to as the most brooding love triangle in existence.

He is hot, and not just because he doesn't wear a shirt.

She is as introverted as they come. She loves Edward, what else can I say?

Lastly, he loves Bella and would do anything to protect her. Put your hands together for Jacob Black, Bella Swan Cullen and Edward Cullen."

Edward and Bella came out holding hands. Bella in a light blue dress and Edward in a tightly clinging set of jeans and light blue shirt. Jacob came out striding behind the couple, shirtless. The crowd began to go wild as they watched his rippling biceps move as he walked. He flexed his muscles before taking his seat beside Renesmee.

"We have our twelve contestants!" Luna said in a high pitched tone. "We were originally going to have fourteen contestants, but two of them were killed tragically."

"It wasn't tragic!" Ginny said under her breath, but loud enough for everyone to hear. "Voldemort was killed by Harry and it ended the second wizarding war. Voldemort killed thousands of people"

"Yeah, and no one was crying when Edward killed Victoria. She was trying to kill Bella." Seth answered with a laugh.

"That's because most of the people on your team can't cry!" Ginny laughed back nodding her head.

"Oh yeah, well we have sex appeal!" Seth yelled back at Ginny. "When Jacob or Edward take off their shirts, the crowd goes nuts. I have never heard anyone going nuts when Harry or Ron takes off theirs!"

Harry shifted uncomfortably in his seat mumbling. "We don't sparkle."

"Alright everyone, let's be friends. I mean Luna and I have become friends and don't hate each other." Alice said politely looking at both sets of contestants.

"Hmm." Luna said twirling her hair slightly and avoiding Alice's gaze. "No diastase whatsoever. After the break we will have our first challenge!"

**OOOOH, a break means a new chapter. Hehehe, see how I worked that in. I am sooo smart! (Ok, maybe not anyone could have got that, even Bella...)**


	2. Challenge 1

"Let's get started. For our first challenge, the teams will choose two contestants who will compete in a question and answer game. Teams, please choose your smartest player and your most tolerant player." Luna said smiling.

Team HP decided upon Hermione and Hagrid. Team Twilight selected Edward and Jasper.

"The smartest contestant must answer questions about the books and receive a point for each time they answer correctly. If they answer wrong the most tolerant player will have to stand in a kids swimming pool and have the thing they can't stand the most dumped upon them, if they make any kind of movement they loose a point!" Alice said sweetly stepping off the stage with Luna as a set of kids swimming pools were placed in the center of the room. Jasper and Hagrid stood inside the pools wearing yellow ponchos and goggles. Hagrid's were oversized to fit him. Hermione and Edward stood a little behind them. "Only one of the contestants may answer as to not taint the other's answer. We the hosts shall choose who shall answer. If that contestant does not answer correctly, their opponent may try!"

Luna pulled out a tiny question card and read it aloud. "Name three of the ten reasons Twilight Wiki says The Wolf Pack and the Cullens could defeat anyone in a battle."

"Hermione you answer." Alice said with a smile. "Ladies first."

Hermione smiled sweetly, thinking before answering. "One, Bella can render mental abilities useless. Two, Emmett is strong. Three, the Cullens could sparkle their enemies into blindness." Hermione took a deep breath after speaking quickly.

"Again with the sparkling." Edward said shaking his head.

Luna smiled replying. "That is correct Hermione one point HP. Next question, what room does not appear on the Marauder's map."

Alice smiled. "Edward you answer."

Edward looked frantic as he seemed to attempt thinking. "The, the prefects bathroom?"

"Sorry Edward, sorry sweety!" Alice said covering her nose and mouth before pulling a large cord. She signaled to the other vampires to cover their noses.

Out flooded a huge thing of Animal blood pouring out all over Jasper. He began to stiffen even tighter before yelling at Edward. "Edward, you idiot."

"I have never read Harry Potter!" Edward replied with a look of surprise on his face.

"Years and years of staying awake reading and you never picked up one of the most famous book series!" Jasper closed his mouth holding his breath as another set of blood rushed over him. He lifted his head and drank the blood coming down.

"Good job Jasper not loosing your mind too much. Still you are down a point for lifting your head." Luna said as the final bit of blood stopped gushing out. "Hermione, what is the answer?"

"The room of requirement!" Sang out Hermione in a know-it-all fashion.

"Correct, another point for HP!" Alice said with a hint of concern. "Final question. What is the top grossing fictional couple? Hermione and Ron or Edward and Bella? Edward you are given a second chance to answer first."

"I know who I should answer. Bella is going to kill me, but I will admit it. Hermione and Ron." Edward said with a voice laced in sarcasm.

Hagrid was laughing uncontrollably. "Even de 're admitten it!"

"I'm sorry Edward, you had to admit that." Luna said laughing. "But, your humility has earned Twilight it's first point. Congratulations."

"We are the highest grossing couple. Bloody Hell!" Ron yelled ecstatically from the side lines.

"Honestly Ronald. Always the tone of surprise." Hermione said rolling her eyes.

"That concludes the first challenge! After the break, we will be conducting our next challenge. Stay tuned to see what comes next." Alice said turning back to the audience.


	3. Challenge 2

"Welcome back!" Luna explained skipping onto the stage with Alice right behind her. "The scores stand at Harry Potter two. Twilight zero."

"The next challenge is for those who are the most athletic." Alice said twirling on her toes. "The contestants must play a game of chicken. One contestant will carry the other on his shoulders run at each other, the one who chickens out first, looses."

Harry and Ron had volunteered from HP and Seth and Jacob from Twilight. Ron had Harry on his shoulders and the two were swerving back and forth slightly. "Isn't there some kind of weight spell?" Ron asked as he struggled to keep Harry on top. "I knew this would've been easier with Ginny!"

"I wanted to have Ginny do this, you were against it!" Harry said as he waved his wand muttering something under his breath. Ron suddenly seemed to stop struggling.

"And have my sister on your shoulders. No way! What did you do?" Ron asked.

"Featherweight charm. I have been using it since my third year." Harry said smiling.

Seth jumped up on Jacob's shoulders with no effort. They towered over Harry and Ron laughing. Seth's head bobbed back and forth. "Wow, the wimps had to use a spell. We used our bare muscles."

"Oh shut it you gitts! You are just mad that we are more bloody awesome!" Ron yelled.

"Then how come your girlfriends can't keep their eyes off of us!" Jacob yelled nodding over to Hermione and Ginny who were staring past Harry and Ron. Their eyes focused on nothing but Jacob.

"Oi! We are competing against them!" Harry yelled at Ginny and Hermione.

The girls didn't answer just kept staring at the two werewolves.

"Alright you. Please get started when I send red sparks into the air with my wand." Luna said raising her wand as both teams went to separate ends of the stage.

"Get ready!" Alice yelled.

"Go!" Luna yelled sending red sparks from her wand into the air.

Both teams ran at each other unwavering until they smacked right into each other. Ron and Harry fell right over upon hitting Jacob and Seth. The crowd shouted. "OOOOOOH!"

Team Twilight laughed their heads off. "Never go against really stiff werewolves. Very little can penetrate our skin. I can't believe you wouldn't know that!" Shouted Jacob and Seth who gave each other high fives."

"We did." Ron and Harry sat up. Ron began pressing his hand to his bleeding nose. "Mione told us all about your thick skin. She actually read your books. Unlike you ninnies!"

"A show of true courage for still going at it. Point to Harry Potter!" Alice squealed.

"I thought you were on our side?" Jacob yelled at Alice with Seth still on his back.

"Who cares about that!" Ginny yelled running over to Harry and helping him up. Hermione following closely kneeling beside Ron who's nose was bleeding even harder.

"Oh, Ronald, stop bleeding, we are in a room with Vampires!" Hermione said pressing a cloth to his nose. "You don't want what happened to Bella to happen to you." Hermione helped him to his feet and Harry who seemed fine helped take Ron behind the stage.

Alice who was pre-occupied holding Jasper back looked at Luna in distress. Luna who noticed after what seemed like forever, turned back to the audience. "We will be back after we clean up Ron's blood."


	4. Challenge 3 and 4

**Thought I should give an explanation. There are a few characters from some other books (The Mortal Instruments, Narnia, Hunger Games, and Alice In Wonderland) I just wanted to verify I DON'T OWN THEM! If I did, would I really be writing this crap, NO! I also wanted to thank my friend Abbey for suggesting Peeta and Jace's questions. **

"Well welcome back to the Battle of The Books." Luna said to the crowd with a clothes pin on her nose. Behind her, the stage had been completely cleaned with bleach which made everyone who could smell cover their noses. "Our next challenge will challenge the contestant's ability to handle the public. We have chosen random audience members to ask personal questions. The only two remaining contestants from each team who have not yet competed will be answering the questions. At the end of the session, we will be asking the audience members if they were satisfied with their answers." Luna said with a smile.

Alice giggled as Ginny and Neville from HP and Bella and Renesmee from Twilight sat down on a set of chairs in the center of the room. "Our first question will be asked by a blonde cocky young man from The Mortal Instruments. Jace Wayland please submit us your question."

Jace Wayland a young Shadow hunter from New York stood in his chair next to a beautiful red headed girl."Bella Swan, why on earth would a stud like Edward choose such a two dimensional person like yourself?" Jace asked with a flip of his light blonde hair.

"Because I smell nice?" Bella answered biting her lip not making any emotion.

"That is strange?" Jace said as he sat down in his chair again.

Alice simply rolled her eyes and looked into the crowd. "Next he loves to bake bread and is a Hunger Games winner, we have Peeta from the Hunger Games."

Peeta also with light blonde hair stood in his chair avoiding the sharp arrow the girl sitting next to him had in her quiver. "Neville, how long have you been into plants?"

Neville shifted slightly crossing his legs. "I really got into it around when I was fourteen. My teacher Proffesor Sprout really inspired me."

"Cool." Peeta said sitting back down.

"Next we have someone who is mad, literally! The Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland." Luna said with her happy tone.

A red haired man in a large top hat stood while laughing. "Renesmee, are you mad?"

"No!" Renesmee answered in her sweet child like voice.

The Mad Hatter laughed. "Ok." He sat back down.

"Lastly, she was small and cute when she discovered a lamp post, we have Lucy from Narnia." Luna waved jumping in the air.

Lucy stood flipping her light blonde hair. "Ginny, was it hard ever getting over the stereotype of being the small and defenseless one?"

"Yes! It was very difficult, I had to keep up with the older students and prove myself. It took me a while, but I eventually changed my social status. All you have to do is prove your abilities." Ginny said her red hair glinting against the stage lights.

Lucy smiled. "Thanks, that is some great advice." She sat down.

Alice bobbed her head. "Alright raise your hand if you were satisfied with your answer."

Lucy and Peeta raised their hands high into the air. Jace and the Mad Hatter merely shifted in their seats.

"Two points to Harry Potter!" Luna practically danced around the stage. "We have another challenge. Will the couples please take their places."

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Edward and Jacob came out bringing four extra chairs and sat themselves down next to their partner.

"Each contestant will be asked a question about their significant other. If answered correctly, they receive a point." Alice said in a sing song way. She turned to Edward and Bella. "Edward, what is Bella's favorite past time?"

"Reading, she was too clumsy to do anything else." Edward said holding Bella's hand. She nodded, smiling for the first time.

"Renesmee," Luna said waving at the cute little girl sitting on Jacob's lap. "How many biological sisters does Jacob have?"

Renesmee bit her lip looking slightly like her mother before smiling widely. "One?"

"Sorry Nessie." Alice said pinching Renesmee's cheek. "He has two." Alice turned to Hermione and Ron. "Ron, what are Hermione's parent's profession?"

"Dentist, whatever the bloody hell that is? Doesn't it have something to do with hair?" Ron asked Hermione whom he had his arm around.

"Teeth Ronald." Hermione said with a roll of her eyes.

"Yeah, Dentist attend to teeth." Ron said to Alice.

"You are correct!" Alice said smiling at Luna who looked at Harry and Ginny.

"Alright, Ginny, what was Harry's best class in school?" Luna asked patting her hand on Ginny's shoulder.

"Defense against the Dark Arts. You would think because he ran Dumbledore's army at first." Ginny said sarcastically. "Even you know that Luna!"

"I do know that!" Luna said dancing around with Alice. "Point to Harry Potter!"

"We will be back with our final challenges after the break!" Alice said dancing with Luna skipping and twirling around.

Return


	5. Final Challenge

"Hello and welcome to the final challenge of our show." Alice and Luna said at the same time. "The scores stand, Harry Potter seven, Twilight one."

Luna giggled before speaking again. "For our final challenge, the contestants must reproduce a favorite scene from their opponents book. The only rule is the main trios must play the main trio from the other group. The audience will decide who is the best, the winning team will receive five points."

Alice put her hand over her mouth laughing before speaking again. "Over the break the teams have set up their skit and are ready to perform. From Twilight, their reproduction of the Yule Ball."

Team Harry Potter made a slight moan of detest. Harry yelled, "Of all the scenes!"

"Shush!" Luna and Alice yelled to them.

Bella walked onto the stage with Jasper dancing with him, with no emotion on her face. Renesmee and Seth following close behind also dancing. Edward and Jacob walked in looking distressed.

"I can't believe Hermione, she is fraternizing with the enemy!" Edward said flipping his hair and putting his arm around Jacob.

"Yeah, hmm!" Jacob said examining his muscles. He wore a set of rounded glasses and a marker lightning bolt.

Ron whispered to Harry. "Of course you get the muscular one, I get the sparkly one."

"Hey, Vicky has gone to go get drinks." Bella walked up to the two guys, once again with no emotion. "Want some?"

"Oh, you and Victor are having a great time I bet. You and the enemy sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Edward made a kissy face at Bella in a deep brooding tone.

"Don't call him Victor!" Bella said placing her hand to her head without any other type of emotion.

"I never acted like that!" Hermione said in protest standing up. Ron grabbed her hand and pulled her back down in her chair.

"He is a wonderful guy!" Bella said as Jasper came up behind them.

"Brooms!" Jasper said flexing his muscles. "Muscles, I am Muscle!" He walked away.

"I bet you all have loads to talk about!" Jacob said rubbing his head.

"Actually, we don't talk at all, Vicky is more of a Physical being!" Bella said looking back to Jasper who was playing ring around the rosy with Renesmee and Seth who had a face of horror.

Edward looked at Bella with a look that frightened everyone in the room. "Physical being! I am going to kill him!" Edward ran off behind the stage dragging Jasper behind him.

"So, I see you came with Paravati Patil." Bella said biting her lip.

Jacob nodded. "I would have preferred going with Cho, but she ended up with Cedric!" Jacob said turning around and looking at Seth and Renesmee.

"Oh, nice." Bella said as Edward walked back in. She looked him over slowly. "What did you do to him?"

"I beat him up!" Edward said with a defensive tone.

Ron began to smile. "I am beginning to like this. This is what I should have done!"

"Ronald!" Hermione and Ginny yelled at Ron simultaneously.

Ron put his hand over his mouth, "Shutting up now."

"Hermione, you shouldn't hang out with sawdust heads like him! I love you, you should go with me!" Edward said before kissing Bella on the lips. Harry Potter side all began to yell in disgust. All except Ron who was laughing his approval! "GO RON!"

"I still can't believe she would go with Cedric Diggory!" Jacob said while Bella and Edward were still kissing after two minutes. Edward let go the minute Jacob said Diggory.

"Diggory? Why does that name ring a bell?" Edward asked before Bella pulled him back into kissing again for another five minutes.

"Well, thank you Team Twilight!" Alice said running on stage and pulling Edward and Bella apart looking at them in disgust. "This is only rated PG-13."

"Up next we have Team Harry Potter doing their version of Bella, Edward, Jacob, Seth, Victoria, and Riley on the mountain." Luna said pushing the other contestants off the stage.

Hermione produced a large tent from her beaded bag and put it on the stage. She, Ron, and Harry climbed in. Moments later the three climbed out. Hermione with an air headed charisma, hugged Ron around the neck and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you Edward! I am going to tell you that I can't wait to marry you even though Jacob is in earshot and could throw a fit!"

Harry stomped his foot lightly and took off his shirt. "This makes me upset, so I am obliged to remove my shirt."

Jacob began to look upset. "I don't take off my shirt that much!"

Hermione let go of Ron and hugged Harry. "Hug me, hug me Jacob!"

"No, I must go beat everyone at everything! Goodbye!" Harry ran off the stage.

"No!" Hermione cried mockingly. "Edward will know I hugged you because I don't think things through!"

"I am not that idiotic!" Bella said putting her hands over Renesmee's ears. "You do not need to hear these lies!"

"I still love you!" Ron said taking her into his arms. "Even if all I am into is your smell!" He smelled Hermione's neck. "Bloody Hell, you do smell good!"

Hermione looked up at Ron smiling. "Thanks. I can't believe you find the smell of dusty books appealing, because that is all I have been around to even briefly make me smell like anything."

Ginny jumped out with Neville right behind her. "I am Victoria, and I want to kill Bella! Although you killed my mate in the same night you met me, you still have not destroyed me yet over three books. This is my puppet, Riley, he is going to distract Edward while I kill Bella. Nothing can stop me. Not even a giant wolf!"

Hagrid staggered out. "Rawer, I am a giant wolf who shall keep Riley occupied and then destroy him!" Hagrid ran over and picked up Neville by his shirt collar. Neville waved back and forth.

"Oh no! What have you done?" Ginny screamed as Ron went over and lightly punched his sister on the side making sure not to hurt her.

Ginny fell over falsely crying. "Oh no!" She laid her head down on the ground.

"We have won!" Ron said hugging Hermione. "Do we get to snog now?"

"Ok!" Hermione said before Ron kissed her.

Luna stepped on the stage. "Over the next break, you the audience shall decide who deserves the points"

**Ok, so that means you the reader must choose. Leave your opinion on who should get the points for their plays in the reviews. After a day, we will discover the results and who gets to win!**


	6. Who Won?

**Wow, did not expect that many reviews. Thanks to everyone who voted... It really motivated me to write this last chapter.**

Alice and Luna stood arm in arm at the front of the stage holding an envelope. "We have the results from the audience voting. It was a battle, we have never seen such nail biting results." Luna winked. "Ok, not really, it was unanimous."

"The winner of the skit challenge, goes to Team Harry Potter." Alice said opening the envelope. She hugged Luna as Team Twilight groaned.

"That also means," Luna said twirling around, "We can announce our winner! Accio Results." A large envelope flew into Luna's hand. She gave it to Alice. "Will you do the honors?"

"I already know who wins!" Alice said patting Luna on the back.

Luna looked at Alice in shock. "Then why do we need the envelope if you already know?"

"Theatrics?" Alice asked handing the envelope back to Luna.

"I can deal with that. It just doesn't seem fair." Luna said holding the envelope in her hand.

"Merlin's pants, just open it!" Hermione yelled.

"Alright." Luna said opening the envelope. She smiled smugly. "The winner, by a mere eleven points is...Team Harry Potter!"

Team Harry Potter erupted into applause. As did the audience who were standing on their feet. Luna and Alice pulled Team HP onto the stage and presented them each with a trophy. Ginny and Harry kissed joyfully. Hagrid was laughing so hard the stage shook. Team Twilight seemed in an uproar of complaints. The only one from Team Twilight was Edward who seemed lost in thought mumbling something about Cedric Diggory.

Harry raised his trophy high into the air. "We decided that this victory should be dedicated to Cedric Diggory. Who also deserved a victory, but his life was cut short before he could."

Edward smiled standing up yelling, "I know who Cedric Diggory is now! I'm Cedric Diggory when I died I became a vampire!"

Team Harry Potter and Twilight all looked at Edward in disgust. Edward sat back down with a frown on his face.

"You traitor, you were even a part of the book and you never read it!" Hermione screamed at him.

"Bloody hell!" Ron yelled at him. "To think we were crying over you for years and it turns out you are nothing but a sparkly vampire!"

Alice and Luna came in between the two teams who were beginning to go at each other. "Ok everyone, let's end this on a good note." Alice said. "How about we all sing a nice verse of _Why Can't We Be Friends?"_

Everyone in the room shook their heads screaming, "NEVER!"

Alice and Luna ran to the front of the stage. Luna gasped. "Thanks for tuning in, it has been fun!" The two girls ducked as everyone in the room began yelling at each other.

**Tadada! It's over! Thanks for reading and reviewing. Even though the voting is over, it would be great to hear your opinions on the story...**


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